I have 101 things i really want you to know. The guilt, happiness, pain, sadness, joy, kindness that you bring to me.

Every now and then I think about why I get into a relationship when I know I'm leaving for Australia. I thought it'd be a good experience but before that, I thought it'd end before I leave. who knew that it would last for 2 years? Who was I to complain and get so upset because you reply slowly and I get really paranoid when my period comes?

you've been waiting for 2 years and counting. you go out and you would see couples having each other in their arms but you, you have to wait every single day for that few days where we would meet and go out. I now sound like some emo-wannabe/cyber attention seeking girl but I know each and every word I type now is as real. (even this sounds like some emo-wannabe).

but truth is,
no matter how much I try to excuse myself from the pain and grief you go through each day, I know that I can never run away because it is a fact that I've accepted this relationship when I knew it wouldn't be easy.

I've seen long distance relationships fail and each time I think if our break up day is drawing near. Honestly speaking, you're really really too good to be true sometimes. Why would you want to stay with me for such a long time when others would give up without a shadow of doubt? Sometimes I'd lie to myself saying that it is because you just haven't found a better girl yet.

You've seen me (probably) at my weakest when I'd cry so bad over the phone or right in front of you.
You've seen me when I get so lame you'd talk about something else cause my jokes aren't funny.
You've seen me when I get so angry and the people in my life that sometimes I'd cry or curse some vulgarities.
You've seen me when I'm in a complete mess especially in studies.

You've seen me in so many different states and you would still accept me for all the flaws I'm made up of.
I guess if I were to write a billion "thank you" to you, it wouldn't be enough for the time you've spent waiting for me each hour and each day.

You have no idea of how much I appreciate you for all that you've done for me.
Your encouragement, your kindness, patience, your company, your gentleness, your sterness (if there's such a word), your advices, your opinions, your loyalty, your willingness to do anything for me and last but not least your love. There is a lot more but I cannot think right now because my mind is in a state of shock and sadness knowing that my mom has resigned and I'm not even sure if I have enough for my university fees.

A lot is running through my mind right now. I've got a math exam tomorrow and a chemistry paper the day after. I haven't studied cause all these (and more) have been clogging up my mind and I know I will regret doing this someday because I should be studying but I really want to write (almost) everything I want to say because someday I might be regretting for not writing as much as I could to let you know how much you're worth to me.

You're a great friend, but the best boyfriend. You're sweet in your own ways, and you're really clever. Though you may be sensitive at times where you feel down because your friends don't appreciate you/ the people around you don't take you seriously/ they ignore your ideas/advices/ you feel left out or you feel like you don't belong anywhere. No matter where I am or what I'm doing or how my feelings change in the future, this whole letter is genuine heart felt words that I feel right now at this moment of time. Be confident of yourself because you're greater than you think. You say I am out of your league but the truth is, You are out of My league. And you will always be. You've done so much for me and yet I'm so calculative because it is in my nature. I hope you will forgive me for all the pain and grief I have caused you.

We're not a perfect couple and it is obvious. But I guess this is our relationship. Just the two of us, making up the rules as we go along in life together. we would talk just about anything literally. From period to having sex to having children to what kind of ways I'd want to give birth. I don't know if these are even normal in other people's relationship but if it's not then doesn't it make us unique?

You've made me feel so privilege to be your first girlfriend, to have your first kiss (this sounds so cheesy and childish) and for you to accept my past. Words can't describe how lucky I feel right now. You've been a great great boyfriend and I want you to know that. No matter what happens in the end of the year, I hope that even if you get so angry at me (if we break up) and think that all these while I haven't been loving you for real, I hope you'll remember this letter because I haven't been writing letters to you for a long while now. I'm not even sure if you love letters or not, but this letter serves as a proof of how much you've done for me and how much I appreciate you for everything that you have done so far.

'The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall'
I really love you Syahmi.

 

I have a friend, a female friend of the same age as me. She has a boyfriend. of a different religion. Long distant relationship. As a matter of fact, the same kind of relationship as mine, except that hers is about a year longer. 2 years together, never quarrelled, never had any big problems. He writes to her. At least one letter a week. They never used much technology to communicate apart from skype. She sends about 2 text messages or less, each day. But he never replies. Not that he was busy or ignoring her, but its because of no phone credits to send an overseas text. They truly loved each other, anyone can see it. They know everything about each other. Not much insecurities because she know the he love her, and she feels the exact same way. But there, recently, for the first time ever in their perfect relationship, a problem occurred that shook the entire love boat so hard that it could capsize anytime.

Looking at her story, and mine, I feel jealous, actually. I never had much security left after that relationship. Couldn't trust people enough. I always feel as though things can end with the snap of my fingers. In every relationship, there'll always be one of them acting like a single person, having his/her options open for others. And there'll be the other, being so giving, so devoted to the one they love so much. It's hard to find, a couple, both knowing they feel the same way about each other, and not afraid to lose the other because they know that their love won't leave. It seems like trust is strong, but to me, I feel like there's something more than trust between them. It's like they know each other so well that 'breaking up' will never be in their partner's mind. I for sure, don't know what's going through Syahmi's mind at all times. I feel like this relationship will end. Decisions are hard to make, I know what kind of person he will be if we ever go our separate ways. He'll be back to smoking, not studying, not wanting to live his life anymore. He's different from others, but it's truly hard to be able to decide whether or not you might want to convert to spend the rest of your life with someone you love.

Of course, people might just say that "If you really love someone, you'll have to make sacrifices" or maybe "If you love him/her so much, you will do it" but really, it's not just a simple decision like whether should I leave to go to Australia or to stay in Singapore and do the course that I never have any interest in. All I can ever say is that Love is not enough. I feel so comfortable with him although sometimes he becomes a tiny bit annoying. The best thing I like about this relationship is that it's like a roller coaster. Its fun when its fun.

ITS SO DAMN DAMN COLD.

SHIVERING MY BUTT OFF IN THE ROOM EVEN THOUGH THE HEATER IS AT IT'S MAX. URGH. 

dont even talk about the toilet. NO HEATER. and the floor is so so so SO cold. Should've brought my slippers to aunty's house so my poor feet wont suffer the cold and resulting my body to shiver too. >:(

i hate winter. i really hate winter ._. Why can't melbourne be near the equator so that it will be the same temperature all year round. Luckily temperature don't drop below 0. i think i'll be a human popsicle (idk how to spell)

:/ and the bed is so far from the heater :'( singaporeans please treasure. at least you don't have to wear layers upon layers to keep warm. and that also means cannot wear pretty clothes cause all winter wear are ugly. -_-

you can't wear skirts cause your legs will freeze, can't wear stockings with skirts cause it looks ridiculous,can't wear sleeveless shirts cause people think you're mad.

IN CONCLUSION, you just cannot wear anything fashionable cause you need minimum 2 layers and bra does not count as a layer. 

Anyway, BREAKING NEWS:

We are now Club daydream.

....AND THUS, JOEY GOH stalks me O_O (probably zihui also...and edwina soon)

Ah well, what can i say.. i'm popular *whips hair*

(picture below is indian @ void deck. HAHAHAHA jk MALAY LA.)

I dont know what else to blog already! now that i know J is reading it. Kay, founded a new torpeek.

speaking with gst on le viber for 1 hour+ I burped like.....5 times. HAHAHAHA. she gives me gas...(not for fart but for burps)

haiiiiyoooooo I want to go back asap to disturb this joey about her blog. hahahaha INVITE ME PREASE.

My ears keep having infection...... I think its because I started wearing earrings after such a long time. (pretty already)

Just look at my tiny eyes. but other than that,me like this photo. JOEY AH,COME HERE FOR 

HOLI-LOLLY-DAY THANKS.

I have 101 things i really want you to know. The guilt, happiness, pain, sadness, joy, kindness that you bring to me.

Every now and then I think about why I get into a relationship when I know I'm leaving for Australia. I thought it'd be a good experience but before that, I thought it'd end before I leave. who knew that it would last for 2 years? Who was I to complain and get so upset because you reply slowly and I get really paranoid when my period comes?

you've been waiting for 2 years and counting. you go out and you would see couples having each other in their arms but you, you have to wait every single day for that few days where we would meet and go out. I now sound like some emo-wannabe/cyber attention seeking girl but I know each and every word I type now is as real. (even this sounds like some emo-wannabe).

but truth is,
no matter how much I try to excuse myself from the pain and grief you go through each day, I know that I can never run away because it is a fact that I've accepted this relationship when I knew it wouldn't be easy.

I've seen long distance relationships fail and each time I think if our break up day is drawing near. Honestly speaking, you're really really too good to be true sometimes. Why would you want to stay with me for such a long time when others would give up without a shadow of doubt? Sometimes I'd lie to myself saying that it is because you just haven't found a better girl yet.

You've seen me (probably) at my weakest when I'd cry so bad over the phone or right in front of you.
You've seen me when I get so lame you'd talk about something else cause my jokes aren't funny.
You've seen me when I get so angry and the people in my life that sometimes I'd cry or curse some vulgarities.
You've seen me when I'm in a complete mess especially in studies.

You've seen me in so many different states and you would still accept me for all the flaws I'm made up of.
I guess if I were to write a billion "thank you" to you, it wouldn't be enough for the time you've spent waiting for me each hour and each day.

You have no idea of how much I appreciate you for all that you've done for me.
Your encouragement, your kindness, patience, your company, your gentleness, your sterness (if there's such a word), your advices, your opinions, your loyalty, your willingness to do anything for me and last but not least your love. There is a lot more but I cannot think right now because my mind is in a state of shock and sadness knowing that my mom has resigned and I'm not even sure if I have enough for my university fees.

A lot is running through my mind right now. I've got a math exam tomorrow and a chemistry paper the day after. I haven't studied cause all these (and more) have been clogging up my mind and I know I will regret doing this someday because I should be studying but I really want to write (almost) everything I want to say because someday I might be regretting for not writing as much as I could to let you know how much you're worth to me.

You're a great friend, but the best boyfriend. You're sweet in your own ways, and you're really clever. Though you may be sensitive at times where you feel down because your friends don't appreciate you/ the people around you don't take you seriously/ they ignore your ideas/advices/ you feel left out or you feel like you don't belong anywhere. No matter where I am or what I'm doing or how my feelings change in the future, this whole letter is genuine heart felt words that I feel right now at this moment of time. Be confident of yourself because you're greater than you think. You say I am out of your league but the truth is, You are out of My league. And you will always be. You've done so much for me and yet I'm so calculative because it is in my nature. I hope you will forgive me for all the pain and grief I have caused you.

We're not a perfect couple and it is obvious. But I guess this is our relationship. Just the two of us, making up the rules as we go along in life together. we would talk just about anything literally. From period to having sex to having children to what kind of ways I'd want to give birth. I don't know if these are even normal in other people's relationship but if it's not then doesn't it make us unique?

You've made me feel so privilege to be your first girlfriend, to have your first kiss (this sounds so cheesy and childish) and for you to accept my past. Words can't describe how lucky I feel right now. You've been a great great boyfriend and I want you to know that. No matter what happens in the end of the year, I hope that even if you get so angry at me (if we break up) and think that all these while I haven't been loving you for real, I hope you'll remember this letter because I haven't been writing letters to you for a long while now. I'm not even sure if you love letters or not, but this letter serves as a proof of how much you've done for me and how much I appreciate you for everything that you have done so far.

'The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall'
I really love you Syahmi.

 

I have a friend, a female friend of the same age as me. She has a boyfriend. of a different religion. Long distant relationship. As a matter of fact, the same kind of relationship as mine, except that hers is about a year longer. 2 years together, never quarrelled, never had any big problems. He writes to her. At least one letter a week. They never used much technology to communicate apart from skype. She sends about 2 text messages or less, each day. But he never replies. Not that he was busy or ignoring her, but its because of no phone credits to send an overseas text. They truly loved each other, anyone can see it. They know everything about each other. Not much insecurities because she know the he love her, and she feels the exact same way. But there, recently, for the first time ever in their perfect relationship, a problem occurred that shook the entire love boat so hard that it could capsize anytime.

Looking at her story, and mine, I feel jealous, actually. I never had much security left after that relationship. Couldn't trust people enough. I always feel as though things can end with the snap of my fingers. In every relationship, there'll always be one of them acting like a single person, having his/her options open for others. And there'll be the other, being so giving, so devoted to the one they love so much. It's hard to find, a couple, both knowing they feel the same way about each other, and not afraid to lose the other because they know that their love won't leave. It seems like trust is strong, but to me, I feel like there's something more than trust between them. It's like they know each other so well that 'breaking up' will never be in their partner's mind. I for sure, don't know what's going through Syahmi's mind at all times. I feel like this relationship will end. Decisions are hard to make, I know what kind of person he will be if we ever go our separate ways. He'll be back to smoking, not studying, not wanting to live his life anymore. He's different from others, but it's truly hard to be able to decide whether or not you might want to convert to spend the rest of your life with someone you love.

Of course, people might just say that "If you really love someone, you'll have to make sacrifices" or maybe "If you love him/her so much, you will do it" but really, it's not just a simple decision like whether should I leave to go to Australia or to stay in Singapore and do the course that I never have any interest in. All I can ever say is that Love is not enough. I feel so comfortable with him although sometimes he becomes a tiny bit annoying. The best thing I like about this relationship is that it's like a roller coaster. Its fun when its fun.

ITS SO DAMN DAMN COLD.

SHIVERING MY BUTT OFF IN THE ROOM EVEN THOUGH THE HEATER IS AT IT'S MAX. URGH. 

dont even talk about the toilet. NO HEATER. and the floor is so so so SO cold. Should've brought my slippers to aunty's house so my poor feet wont suffer the cold and resulting my body to shiver too. >:(

i hate winter. i really hate winter ._. Why can't melbourne be near the equator so that it will be the same temperature all year round. Luckily temperature don't drop below 0. i think i'll be a human popsicle (idk how to spell)

:/ and the bed is so far from the heater :'( singaporeans please treasure. at least you don't have to wear layers upon layers to keep warm. and that also means cannot wear pretty clothes cause all winter wear are ugly. -_-

you can't wear skirts cause your legs will freeze, can't wear stockings with skirts cause it looks ridiculous,can't wear sleeveless shirts cause people think you're mad.

IN CONCLUSION, you just cannot wear anything fashionable cause you need minimum 2 layers and bra does not count as a layer. 

Anyway, BREAKING NEWS:

We are now Club daydream.

....AND THUS, JOEY GOH stalks me O_O (probably zihui also...and edwina soon)

Ah well, what can i say.. i'm popular *whips hair*

(picture below is indian @ void deck. HAHAHAHA jk MALAY LA.)

I dont know what else to blog already! now that i know J is reading it. Kay, founded a new torpeek.

speaking with gst on le viber for 1 hour+ I burped like.....5 times. HAHAHAHA. she gives me gas...(not for fart but for burps)

haiiiiyoooooo I want to go back asap to disturb this joey about her blog. hahahaha INVITE ME PREASE.

My ears keep having infection...... I think its because I started wearing earrings after such a long time. (pretty already)

Just look at my tiny eyes. but other than that,me like this photo. JOEY AH,COME HERE FOR 

HOLI-LOLLY-DAY THANKS.